2013 April 25

Uneek_Premium_Reversible_Fleece_29_745There’s three extremes of football fashion – the one that involves Robbie Savage and weird coloured trousers, the one that includes Roy Keane who always seemed to be playing in a get up from a Beano comic and now dresses like his clothes are on loan from Alan Partridge, and the one where David Beckham and Xabi Alonso meet in designer suits and aviator glasses.

Sadly, most British men veer between the Savage and the Keane – the Savage is what gets worn in Ibiza or to a stag weekend in Brighton, while the Keane is what gets dragged up off the floor whenever we sit down to watch a match, especially if we’re at home with the lads. So how do we get to the Beckham/Alonso point of the triangle?

It’s easier to say what not to do. The Cristiano Ronaldo approach is the wrong one – regardless of his nimble footwork, Ronaldo’s bizarre fashion sense, which combines too much hair gel with too little clothing and waaaay too much attitude, is a style attitude that scores many own goals.

Instead, aim for one really classy item around which to build an outfit. One pair of designer jeans, if clean and not too crumpled, will carry with them a tatty T-shirt or really grungy but lucky old hoody. Similarly a fresh polo-shirt, worn crisp and starched, overwhelms the effect of our favourite old trackie bottoms.

Accessories divide and conquer fashion failures, so brand name watches and sunglasses will cause comfy flip flops to vanish from view, and a really good mens jacket has stealth capacity to disguise a rank vest worn underneath.

2012 July 23

Half the UK is heading for a festival or an Olympic event this year and the same clothing tips apply to both kinds of event.

•    Festivals allow for wildness – if you’ve always wanted to wear a tiara and dungarees, Glasto or any other festival is the place to do it. If, however, you’re attending the Olympics, the rule has an addendum – wear what you like, as long as it’s in your national colours! Red, white and blue T-shirts are at a premium in the UK, but red canvas shorts are selling well too, for unknown reasons – surely it can’t be the Robbie Savage effect?
•    Layer your clothing and take a waterproof – it will rain, somewhere, most days during a British summer. A simple waterproof poncho or jacket will stop you getting too wet and cold and prevents the chafing that can result from sitting in wet clothing after a shower.
•    If you are staying overnight, don’t wear jeans. Shorts with leggings are best for women, shorts or cargo pants with zip off legs for men. That allows you to adjust to the weather and if jeans get wet, they take up to four times longer to dry than other clothing, so even if it doesn’t rain, it only takes somebody to spill a drink on you to ruin your day.
•    When choosing tops, remember that if you’re staying into the evening, sequins are a girl’s best friend. Otherwise simple T-shirts look fabulous under a sparkly throw or a sequinned pashmina and both of those have the advantage of being foldable. For guys, white hooded tops or dayglo hoodies stand out in a night crowd and that can be helpful if you’re part of a group where people have to keep finding each other in the dark.